Why else -
(My first crown created at a Stripper's Brooklyn appartment in 2019 NYC - it was not anything but it was also kind of everything)
So - I was seeing a very strange guy in NYC - I mean you know the story - where you are nobody to the person but they don’t want you to know that. And you know - because your body knows - but they don’t want you to leave. Yeah - one of those.
And then I got very depressed.
And it wasn’t me you know - most days I didn’t care for the face looking back at me and it didn’t care for me back. We grew apart.
My family - was overjoyed I found “ a real man “ in the eligeable city of NY who would "teach me right", who had a nice house out of town. Who would be - ok for me right - who just turned out to be a fart in the dark. But I grew stronger though in another way.
I just became a kind of - rebel. A self made artist. That kind of wanted to “escape dad” and make sure she never would return.
(The second flower crown I made in that same Stripper appartment in Brooklyn NY - we listened to Hare Krishna songs and ate badly cooked vegan food. There was nudity and friendship.)
"Dad" - or that said guy actually "helped me out" by offering me to work on an Easter campaign where I was to fiddle with artificial flowers but i just - couldn't. Be part of any of that. I just folded. Though the flowers were a cool thing. I just wanted to do my own thing with them.
"You can't tell me what to do"
(Third crown - same Brooklyn appartment)
So in a weird way that irony works. I made a slavic crown. It was kind of like - an Ivana Kupala crown - or a marriage crown. It was not at all to be anything like that too - and that I knew. - I was probably never going to be married to a man - or a woman (true story). I just kind of cared for myself though by making this - artifact. And then another - and then another.
Each with a different personality or presence. And then yes - I felt myself growing older, my health went down a lot and I just felt like I was out of my mind.
(Little Mycelium video made with the second crown. I use these crowns in some of the video work...can I say work" Work.)
So the whole mycelium project created itself in Brooklyn and it was kind of about - age and beauty and at the same time not having anything of substance anymore.
Like this ancient Slavic beauty being but a robot with no true substance or mind. With no heart.
“ The devil “ - I think people were kind of - scared something happened to me making Midsommar remarks. I wasn’t sure where I was or what I was doing. I honestly - just wanted to make some art but for some people it was too big a statement - the crown, the music - everything. It was too much - and thank goodness. too.
( a little mirror experiment with a crown I made in Mexico with NYC flowers)
And I liked it like that.
Let yourself be a mystery I say -
Sometimes it was not bad you know what life would turn over - sometimes not so good. It was a petal of a petal - a flower of a flower - and nothing else just an endless mirage. And yeah in a sense - I was lead towards a marriage in that crown of mine. People came and they were fixated with me - they were super connected to me. And yeah
(Going out dancing with someone awesome. I made it my job to go out dancing in NYC cos i honestly didn't know why else I was there)
I did have - 3 proposals
By 3 different gay men - while in USA
For the green card ofcourse (chuckles) but that was not it. I just really wanted me. I think I wanted to be - me with me. And then that happened too.
( crown created in Mexico with NYC flowers - i was pretty sick at the time but I enjoyed making the crowns)
It’s a good manifestation tool though I wonder - how do you feel about it. It is meant to be a kind of aggressive and a dopy thing at the same time. As all feminine art is. Just a dopy aggressive and powerless move. Here - I did it. Look at me. Ta da - I’m a lady.
(Aaron P made a digital sketch of me in a crown after using one in a YouTube Video)
But maybe that was that. Just finding out what a lady was. Which just guided me inwards and made me eventually more and more at home….but also kind of a guy It is a crazy thing. It’s a funny thing.
P
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